the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
