After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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