I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
