I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
