the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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