So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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