Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
