A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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