So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
