she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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