Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
