You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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