Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
