I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
