I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
