Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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