I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
