I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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