i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
