the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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