There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I died a long time ago.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
