I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
we should paint friendship bongs
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