oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
