sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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