I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
