You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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