goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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