girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
