You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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