I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think my moral compass just broke
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
