Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
