No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
