3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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