u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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