It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Found the puke drawer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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