I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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