paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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