It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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