I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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