i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
