I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
