Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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