he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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