Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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