just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are leaves in my underwear?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
