What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
