i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had sex on a roof
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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