I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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