I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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