Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
