i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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