Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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