through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I supernannyed him into submission
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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