did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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