Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dignity is for republicans.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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