Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
