I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
