You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
